I've always hated valentines day. Single, dating, doesnt matter: it's fucking stupid.
I'm not too proud to admit that a part of me hates it for more personal reasons. It's particularly hard this year. I keep getting reminded of the fact that I'm this old and no one has ever been in love with me. I've never been someone somebody couldn't live without, and that hit me hard recently.
There must be something fundamentally unloveable about me. It's not that I'm shy and I don't get out much. I was a pretty social person back in the day. I just don't have whatever it is that makes a guy say "I can't let this one go." In fact, I seem to make it easy for people to walk away without looking back, moving on like I never existed or mattered.
Why is that?
I don't know. I thought I was always a pretty kick-ass girlfriend. All I want to do is hang out, listen to music, play video games, watch movies, etc.
Fuck today. I wish I'd taken the night off from work.