Tuesday, December 31, 2013

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."

"Death is always on the way, but the fact that you don't know when it will arrive seems to take away from the finiteness of life. It's that terrible precision that we hate so much. But because we don't know, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless."
Paul Bowles

2013 is sputtering to an end and 2014 is breathing down our necks. My life has changed so much in the last year, and the strange thing is, it feels like nothing has changed. This time last year I was alone and suicidal, and I had no plans for a future. I didn't care. Now I've found the man I was meant to be with, and I have hope for our future together. We've been together for eight months and every day is an adventure, even if we just stay in bed and watch movies. We drive each other crazy sometimes, but that just keeps it from getting boring.

I have wonderful, generous friends and a family that means the world to me. I've still got my Tank, and Curly Joe, and now I have a sister-in-law (unofficially) and an adorable, badass niece and in-laws (unofficial) who for some reason love me. I'm still stressed a lot of the time, I'm broke and in debt,  I'm always in pain and I've got insomnia up the wazoo, but life is good. It's far from perfect, but it is good. For the first time in a very long time, I'm facing the last midnight of the year with a smile on my face and heart that isn't broken.

I hope 2014 will be good to us all. Stay classy, Humanity.

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