I've been having a hard time lately, for various reasons, but I faced some hard truths last week and I'm just...tired. Tired of being miserable. Tired of hating myself. I went for my three month ADHD medication consult with my NP last week and I was determined to open up and tell her the truth (for once) when she asked me how I was doing. And I did. I told her everything and she said, 'Do you think antidepressants might help?" I said, "I think it's worth a try."
So she started me on 150mg of Wellbutrin XL or, as I like to call it, Gleemonex. (Gleemonex makes it feel like it's seventy-two degrees in your head...all...the...time!) My NP said Wellbutrin is usually "clustered" with ADHD meds, so I may find that it boosts my Dexedrine. I've only been taking it for a couple of days, and so far I don't feel any different. It's hard to tell from inside, you know?
I've emailed a few therapists about coming in for a consult so I can get back into therapy and fix the way I think because, let's face it, it's not working. I just want to be happy again.
Hopefully I can be.
So what does this whole story mean? The only way to be happy is to know you won't be happy every single day. Lalalalalala. It sounds better in the original Croatian.