Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.

Well, Internet, I'm getting married in 71 days.  Tick tick tick, no pressure! 

I'm actually not stressed at all, despite the fact that the only thing I have set for sure is the date of the wedding. I know where it'll be, but I have to get a permit or something to get married on the beach, I have to figure out how I'm going to get my disabled mother across the sand to "walk" me down the "isle," I have to order my dress (Star Wars comic book print, $99 on etsy, ordering it today), figure out what RockerBoy is going to wear (looks like jeans, tophat and "my wife is a Jedi" tee shirt, possibly coattails), etc. 

My friend "K" is helping me with the planning. She found a bunch of invitations and inflatable lightsabers for the guests. I have a few surprises up my sleeve, but you won't hear about them until after the wedding on the off chance that RockerBoy actually reads this blog. I don't think he does, but better to be safe and all that.

I just had my review at work and I got a raise and a bonus which should drop into my account by the end of the month. RockerBoy and I have a goal of moving into our own place on April 1st. We need our own space, and I definitely want to be settled into a home before we get married and start the rest of our lives together. There's just something about the bastard that brings the softer side out of me. I want to take care of him. I want to cook for him and make his lunches and get his laundry in order, not because he expects it or because he can't do it himself, but because he makes me happy and I want to make life good for him. Great, actually. The best. Just like he does for me. 

On April 28th we will have been together for a year, and what a year it has been. We've endured a lot, had our big ups and small downs, but when things got bad, the one thing we always had was faith in each other and a love that gets stronger as time goes on.  I kind of hate myself for saying shit like that, because I'm bitter and cynical. It's still taking some getting used to, this ... happiness.  But neither one of us is so high up in the clouds that we think everything is going to be sunshine and roses for the rest of our lives. We get into arguments. We piss each other off. We get really, really angry sometimes, but never at each other. We're living in one small room with hardly any storage and it gets to us sometimes, but we always remind ourselves that it's the situation, not the company, and the situation is temporary. Once we have space to breathe, a place to make our own, the stress levels will go way down and we can go back to being goofy, asthmatic nerds FULL-TIME! 

Right now I have to make a call to my NP so I can go in for a med consult and get back on my ADHD meds and anti-depressants. I've been off my meds for a couple of months now. The anti-depressants don't bother me as much as the Dexadrine; what I mean is that I'm a lot less depressed these days, but I still have raging ADHD and it's difficult to keep it together at work. I'm anxious most of the time, overwhelmed 100% of the time, and I can't keep this bedroom tidy no matter how hard I try. Things are piling up on top of me, and I can't move anymore. 

Plus, when I'm back on the Dex, I'll stop stress-eating everything in sight and maybe lose ten or fifteen pounds before the wedding. I've gained 20 pounds in the last year and a half and I'm absolutely miserable. I hate myself most of the time, despite RockerBoy telling me I'm perfect the way I am. Anything I complain about he says, "I love it because it's a part of you."  How the fuck do I argue against that?! 

As for RockerBoy, he signed up at a nearby temp agency and has been working in the warehouse of a major local chain store. He's very happy with the job, and they all love him, so much so that they asked him to apply to be hired on full-time for the company.  That means an eventual pay raise, good benefits and UNION. He's very excited, and I'm so proud of him.  He works from 6:30 a.m - 3:00 p.m. which means he leaves just as I get home from work in the morning, but gets home early enough where I can get up early and we can spend quality time together and with the dogs. Best of all, once we have our own place, it will give him time to work on his music.  He recently bought the twin of the keyboard he has back in Chicago.  (His brother is keeping his stuff for him until he can drive it out here.)  He played around with it last weekend and Tank ended up barking while I was recording some of it with my phone, so we ended up calling it "hound dog blues." Loved it.  RockerBoy's mom sent him some song books last week, and one of them was Bob Dylan's.  He started playing a sort of bluesy version of "Maggie's" and showed me how to play the bassline on my acoustic. Shortly after, we decided to acquire an acoustic bass sometime in the very near future so I can learn to play. VERY EXCITED!  My brother from another mother who passed away a few years back played bass, and he taught me a couple of songs way back in high school. I would love to learn to play for real in his honor.  He would have loved that.

Well, I'd better get to bed. Lots to do today.  

Have a good weekend, Internet. 

Perigee and the Playoffs

Game 3 of the WHL Championship series tonight! Portland Winterhawks vs the Edmonton Oil Kings.  This time around, I'm bringing a posse: three friends and two of their kids. That's right, it's girls' night for hockey. I would like to stress that I mean that in an entirely non-puck bunny kind of way. Even if these guys weren't jail bait, I go to hockey for hockey.

I'm excited because playoff games are so much more intense than regular season games, and the crowds are really into it. It still pisses me off that hardly anybody shows up to the games until the Hawks make the playoffs, but whatever. I'm always there, if my schedule/budget allows for it.

Last night was the supermoon, but I didn't see it in its super stage because of the goddamn clouds. It was still a lovely sight, and I got one decent digital shot of it.

I'm incredibly excited for this Halloween: I've taken a week off and a good friend of mine is flying out for a visit. We're going to be Laverne and Shirley for Halloween and it is going to be awesome. I can't wait. Halloween is my favorite "holiday," and nobody ever wants to do anything fun. I think it would kick ass to dress up in L&S's bowling outfits and actually go bowling...

The Dancing Dead

I'm going to the zombie prom next month. I'm very excited. I've never been to a dance before, let alone a prom. I can't wait.

Maybe if I knew what a craw is I could tell you what was up it.

Shall I sum up? Okay.

Last month I went rollerskating for the first time in about ten years. Blading, I should say. I went rollerblading. With my friend and my sister. At Oaks Park. Why am I typing. Like this?

Afterward, we stopped at the Rimsky-Korsakoffee House, which I won't even try to explain. You have to go and experience it for yourself.

Last month I also went to my very first hockey meet up, which I'd only found out about a few days beforehand. (And yes, there is an app for that.) We met at the 4th Down sports bar in SE Portland; I took the train and met my friend R there, for backup. We watched the Blackhawks game on three giant screen TVs and ate tater tots. I had a great time. The guy who organized it is really nice and a Red Wings fan (from Michigan). In fact, the majority of us are Wing fans. Go figure. Anyway, not a lot of people showed up, but that's fine. It was the first meet up.

Halloween weekend, I went to my friend's cd release party and had my very first whiskey. My friend Aed and her boyfriend drove, otherwise I wouldn't have had any. Afterward, we went to Potato Champion. At least, that was the plan. We had Whiffies (fried pies) instead and OMG WERE THEY GOOD.

The next night, Sis and I went to my friend's brother's house for a Kids in the Hall marathon. We brought the pilot episode and all five seasons (and a bag of crazy core Skittles) and got down to business. There were three kids there, ranging in ages from 12 to 3 (I think), but V and her brother weren't that much older when they first started watching the Kids, so we let them join us. Long story short, there is now a whole new generation of head crushers in the Portland area. They're not even my kids and yet, I'm so proud.

Anyway, it was great to finally watch the Kids in the Hall with people who actually loved them as much as we do. I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time. I think we got through the pilot and Season One, and then had to call it a night (but not before J told us about the booger bed and innertubing). On the way home, we passed something called Assurety Northwest, which I read as Assery Northwest. My sister read it, out loud, as "Ass, you ready?" Incidentally, at that very moment, my sister and I had been discussing felching, nasal anal and how Kevin McDonald and Dave Foley can do stuff together that still allows them to technically remain virgins.

I shit you not.

Needless to say, we're going to have to go back for another marathon or five.

This past weekend (Saturday), I went to the second hockey meet up, this time at a place on Hawthorne. Again, I met my friend R there. This time it was the Red Wings vs Vancouver. More people showed up this time, but still not as many as RSVP'd. The Wings lost, but there is talk of meeting up for the Winterhawks game on the 20th. When the organizer told me about that, I told him about the firefighters. Normally, they play at the Mt View Ice Arena in Vancouver, but they're having a charity game on November 20th to benefit the son of one of the firefighters. For $13 you get in to the charity game at 2pm (at the Memorial), and the ticket is also good for the 'Hawks vs Kamloops game at 7pm. R said she would do both and take me out to the bars afterward , and the meet up organizer sounded like he was pretty interested as well. I'll post some info about it in a couple of days, when I have time.

At any rate, I've got to get ready for work.

Most of the time when I'm walking the line, I'm looking at the ground

I haven't shot black and white in a while, so I brought my camera along a few weeks ago when my car died and I had to start taking the train to work. They came out a lot better than I expected, and I'm actually sort of proud of them.

This one's my favorite.


Portland airport.


Self portrait (eating oatmeal at work).




Children shouldn't play with dead things. (Creepy doll at an antique store in Silverton.)

I'm excited about finishing up the roll in my Nikkormat; I took pictures when we went to Slappy Cakes last month. The Stormtroopers came along.

Day Zero

Today I start my list: 101 Things in 1001 Days (aka Day Zero). I'm still working on getting my list up, officially, on the site, but my first goal (tentatively) is to start my 100 Strangers project by (wait for it) taking a photograph of a stranger. I had planned on taking the train in to work tonight and selecting a victim from one of my fellow passengers, but I found out at the last minute that the Portland Firefighters Hockey Club is having a game tonight. It's the first one of the season and it ends about an hour before I have to clock in at work, so I'm absolutely going to that. Can't miss it!

Today is Curly Joe's 2nd birthday, so I did up a post for him. Hadn't updated since summer, hello ADD!

What else? I've officially lost 37 pounds in less than a year. I never thought I'd say it, but thank gad for ADD. My sister comments daily on how much thinner I am, but I still don't really see it. Then I realize I can't walk around with my iPhone in my pocket because it makes my pants fall down. I've gone down about five or six pant sizes, I think. I hate fashion and shopping for clothes, so I'm not really sure how the sizing goes. I do know that I refuse to buy new jeans, so I'm just going to have to get myself a belt. I haven't worn one since I was 11.

I've still just been doing pilates, though not very often. I do maybe 15 minutes of it twice a week? I did 20 minutes on the elliptical last week, as a warm up for the pilates. My sis got this CheLean? workout that our friend LaShea suggested. She's been doing it for a month and has some wicked guns in the works. Very motivating.

I try and go about this weight loss in a healthy way, but most of this is due to the Dexedrine. I have no appetite and rarely have time to eat anything significant. If my doctor knew, she'd be pissed. Mostly I'll have an Odwalla bar on the way out the door to work, then my typical work lunch (rice, some sort of fake meat, big salad with sunflower seeds, tomatoes, cukes, etc). Later on in the night, Rene and I will trot into the break room and have some Skittles. Then I go home and have a piece of bread or nothing, feed the animals and hit the hay. This week I've been trying to eat more, so I have oatmeal when I get home. Both my and my sister's cars are dead, so I haven't had the means or money to go out and buy provisions. I don't have any salad fixings, so I've just been eating brown rice with Braggs amino acids for lunch. Last night I caved and got an 80 cent bag of Fritos from the vending machine at work.

When Rene couldn't drive me to work last week, I took the train. AND I LOVE IT. One night I got off at the stop before mine and stopped in a Starbucks for a soy chai latte. I felt like a hipster asshole, but I got in an hour and a half early and my badge doesn't work until 9 p.m. So I sat there and read for a while, drinking my tea and thinking about how strange it was to feel like a normal human being. Things you guys take for granted (like figuring out train schedules and riding public transportation by yourself) are like little miracles to me. I still can't believe I did it.

At around 9:00, the Starbucks people said they were closing, so I packed up my stuff, put my water and my tea in the drink thingies on each side of my backpack and hoofed it to work. It was a bit cold and rainy, but I had my boonie hat and my Midwestern hide. At a brisk walk, it took me 20 minutes to work. I felt good, though. I sit most of the night at work, so any chance I can get to stretch and move my legs, I relish.

Anyway, my point is, now that my sister's van is more or less fixed, I'm going to just drive 15 minutes to the transit center and then take the train to and from work. It takes an hour, but I don't care. I've fallen in love with just sitting and not having to worry about traffic or filling up the gas tank.

Ok, shutting up now. I've had to pee for the last half hour.

Oh! Before I forget, I'm going to roller derby this weekend! The High Rollers vs the Guns n Rollers. Nevermind. The bout is sold out.

I've thought a little bit about what I might call myself if I got into a league. Bitch Cassidy has a nice ring to it. That's another thing on my 101 Things list: try out/join a roller derby (and/or dodgeball) team.

P.S. Last night I processed a histo for a hermaphrodite dog. I called it a hermaphrodog. The genitals were in histo jar, but the formalin was too murky for me to get a good look at things. Could have been testes. Could have been something uterine. It all added up to ten kinds of awesome. And then there was the cat leg I had to pack up. But first I had to drain all the bloody fluid out of the bag. I haven't eaten meat in 20 years, and what I was working with looked like raw chicken with a paw attached. I came very close to yacking several times. Oh, and did I mention I also had to process a spleen roughly THE SIZE OF MY HEAD? I swear to fucking god, the only time we ever get random limbs and little jars of horror are the days I have the histo rotation. WTFBBQ?