Well, Internet, I'm getting married in 71 days. Tick tick tick, no pressure!
I'm actually not stressed at all, despite the fact that the only thing I have set for sure is the date of the wedding. I know where it'll be, but I have to get a permit or something to get married on the beach, I have to figure out how I'm going to get my disabled mother across the sand to "walk" me down the "isle," I have to order my dress (Star Wars comic book print, $99 on etsy, ordering it today), figure out what RockerBoy is going to wear (looks like jeans, tophat and "my wife is a Jedi" tee shirt, possibly coattails), etc.
My friend "K" is helping me with the planning. She found a bunch of invitations and inflatable lightsabers for the guests. I have a few surprises up my sleeve, but you won't hear about them until after the wedding on the off chance that RockerBoy actually reads this blog. I don't think he does, but better to be safe and all that.
I just had my review at work and I got a raise and a bonus which should drop into my account by the end of the month. RockerBoy and I have a goal of moving into our own place on April 1st. We need our own space, and I definitely want to be settled into a home before we get married and start the rest of our lives together. There's just something about the bastard that brings the softer side out of me. I want to take care of him. I want to cook for him and make his lunches and get his laundry in order, not because he expects it or because he can't do it himself, but because he makes me happy and I want to make life good for him. Great, actually. The best. Just like he does for me.
On April 28th we will have been together for a year, and what a year it has been. We've endured a lot, had our big ups and small downs, but when things got bad, the one thing we always had was faith in each other and a love that gets stronger as time goes on. I kind of hate myself for saying shit like that, because I'm bitter and cynical. It's still taking some getting used to, this ... happiness. But neither one of us is so high up in the clouds that we think everything is going to be sunshine and roses for the rest of our lives. We get into arguments. We piss each other off. We get really, really angry sometimes, but never at each other. We're living in one small room with hardly any storage and it gets to us sometimes, but we always remind ourselves that it's the situation, not the company, and the situation is temporary. Once we have space to breathe, a place to make our own, the stress levels will go way down and we can go back to being goofy, asthmatic nerds FULL-TIME!
Right now I have to make a call to my NP so I can go in for a med consult and get back on my ADHD meds and anti-depressants. I've been off my meds for a couple of months now. The anti-depressants don't bother me as much as the Dexadrine; what I mean is that I'm a lot less depressed these days, but I still have raging ADHD and it's difficult to keep it together at work. I'm anxious most of the time, overwhelmed 100% of the time, and I can't keep this bedroom tidy no matter how hard I try. Things are piling up on top of me, and I can't move anymore.
Plus, when I'm back on the Dex, I'll stop stress-eating everything in sight and maybe lose ten or fifteen pounds before the wedding. I've gained 20 pounds in the last year and a half and I'm absolutely miserable. I hate myself most of the time, despite RockerBoy telling me I'm perfect the way I am. Anything I complain about he says, "I love it because it's a part of you." How the fuck do I argue against that?!
As for RockerBoy, he signed up at a nearby temp agency and has been working in the warehouse of a major local chain store. He's very happy with the job, and they all love him, so much so that they asked him to apply to be hired on full-time for the company. That means an eventual pay raise, good benefits and UNION. He's very excited, and I'm so proud of him. He works from 6:30 a.m - 3:00 p.m. which means he leaves just as I get home from work in the morning, but gets home early enough where I can get up early and we can spend quality time together and with the dogs. Best of all, once we have our own place, it will give him time to work on his music. He recently bought the twin of the keyboard he has back in Chicago. (His brother is keeping his stuff for him until he can drive it out here.) He played around with it last weekend and Tank ended up barking while I was recording some of it with my phone, so we ended up calling it "hound dog blues." Loved it. RockerBoy's mom sent him some song books last week, and one of them was Bob Dylan's. He started playing a sort of bluesy version of "Maggie's" and showed me how to play the bassline on my acoustic. Shortly after, we decided to acquire an acoustic bass sometime in the very near future so I can learn to play. VERY EXCITED! My brother from another mother who passed away a few years back played bass, and he taught me a couple of songs way back in high school. I would love to learn to play for real in his honor. He would have loved that.
Well, I'd better get to bed. Lots to do today.
Have a good weekend, Internet.
